


Stanford

by AudreyHorneFeelsDreamy



Series: Nate and Aud [2]
Category: Indy fiction
Genre: Consensual Sex, Depression, Drinking, F/M, Heavy Drinking, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 00:57:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10798392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyHorneFeelsDreamy/pseuds/AudreyHorneFeelsDreamy
Summary: Two years after getting on a bus and running away from all her problems, Audrey runs into Nate over 2000 miles away.





	Stanford

**“** Hey man, we hitting up that new restaurant tonight?” 

Nate looked up from his notebook and nodded, his hair falling in his face a little. “Yeah, sounds good..what is it again?” 

“Uh, Italian? I think…” His friend laughed, “Hey, lets go..class is over. We got some smoke time..” 

Nodding again, Nate finished what he was writing then stuffed it all in his bag and smiled. “C’mon, lets bake.” He laughed, draping his arm around his friends shoulders and they went off towards the dorms.

* * *

 

Friday nights sucked ass.

After nine, the place was full of college kids who did things like put tips in half drunk glasses of beer, or in leftover food, cute shit like that.

But… if she smiled, Friday night tips usually padded out the amount she could save that week, so she smiled till her fucking face hurt.

“Your turn to wait the douche table.” Maria smirked, pointing to a group of six or so who’d just sat down.

“Well crap… don’t that make me blessed now.” She groaned, picking up menu’s and heading over.

“Hi fellas, welcome to Giovanni’s, I’m Audrey, I’ll be your waitress for the evening, so you need anything you just ask for me…”

She handed out the menus as she spoke, always smiling but never catching anyone’s eye.

“The specials today are spinach and feta  _ Calzone _ , and  _ Pollo alla valdostana…  _ Can I get you drinks while you wait?” 

It was then that she looked up properly and saw him watching her, frowning slightly before widening his eyes in recognition.

“Nate?” She whispered, ignoring the askance glances and gradual confused sniggering from the others..

He’d seen her walking around, but honestly, it didn’t register that it would be her. Why would she be in Stanford?…she would have ran far far away from him. 

He looked down at the menu as she handed them out then back up when she said his name and it was unmistakably her, right in front of him. 

“Audrey..” He smiled, looking her over. She looked good, better than he expected if he were ever to see her again if he was honest. “Hey..” 

 

Someone said about getting a couple of pitchers, and, flustered, she grabbed her notebook and wrote it down, looking away from Nate, and only offering the rest of them a cursory smile.

“Be right back to take your order…” And she turned on her heel, striding across the restaurant and out back, her hands clasped to her mouth.

What the fuck was he doing here?

When he’d talked about college it was always somewhere back east, he’d never talked about Stanford.

“Maria….” She grabbed the older womans arm as she went past. “I can’t do that table.”

“What? Why?…” she poked her head round the corner and frowned. “They don’t look so bad… just get on with it, I already got four tables on the go…” She sniffed, pushing past her to make up her drinks order.

Great…. No way out of it.

She swallowed hard and went to fill the pitchers, working hard on getting her false smile back.

 

Nate watched her as she walked away hurriedly and stopped to talk to another waitress who’d looked over to him and shook her head, dismissing Audrey all together. 

“Soo….Nate…whos’sat?” 

“Yeah, she’s hot..” 

“Fuck off.” Nate shot the one across the table from him a warning look. “She’s just…someone I used to know.” He said with a sigh, looking off to where she’d gone to fill their beer. 

And it wasn't really a lie. He didn’t know her anymore, never really did. Maybe she was going to school too, or maybe she had a boyfriend..maybe a kid.. _ not his. _

For some reason, the thought made him sad. 

When he saw her making her way back he looked down at his unopened menu, trying to muster more courage. 

 

Audrey brought the pitchers over, coming back again with glasses, then took out her notebook to take everyone’s order, being sure to pay no special attention to Nate, although they were obviously all waiting for something to happen.

Well, let them.

She had a job to do, and she was just going to have to suck it up and deal with it later.

But shit it hurt to see him, made all the feelings she thought she’d buried deep, rise back up to the surface, just as raw as before. 

 

Throughout their meal, Nate’s friends tried asking about her, watching her as she walked by to wait on other tables but he wouldn’t give them anything more that they dated in high school, it was nothing, and to drop it. 

They did, eventually and soon the conversation drifted to school, and weekend plans..when the next party was and where. 

He’d tuned out though. How  _ could  _ he focus on the others when the girl that stopped his entire world suddenly dropped back into it. There had of course been others after her, especially early on. He went through hell, but he guessed it didn’t matter in comparison to her story, whatever it was.

When everyone was finished and they were tired of sitting there one of Nate’s friends yelled out for their bill, making Nate want to crawl in a hole and die. 

 

For the most part, she’d spent the evening looking as busy as possible, and was glad when Nates table didn’t turn out to be the kind that wanted her there every five minutes, so when someone yelled her name across the room for the bill, she simply rolled her eyes at Maria and took it over.

As she turned to go, someone grabbed her ass, the whole table erupting in laughter, and her cheeks flushed, not from embarrassment, but anger, and if she didn’t need the money so bad, she would have grabbed the asshole by the back of the head and slammed his face into the table, but instead, she smiled, half laughing as they all slapped notes into the middle and she took them away to sort out the change. 

Nate laughed with the rest but he wasn't at all amused. any other girl… _ ANY  _ other waitress in  _ ANY  _ other restaurant..he would have laughed harder, would have been that guy to grab her ass..but not her, not Audrey. 

He kicked the one who’d done it under the table hard enough to make him groan though he doubted anyone noticed, they were all busy sorting their money ad leaving. 

Nate was the last to toss money in the middle, a 50 with a note folded around it in his shitty handwriting. 

_ Sorry, my taste in friends hasn’t gotten much better.  _

_ If you’d like, here’s my new number _

_ I’d like to talk to you, catch up.  _

_ 555-3698  _

He offered her a small smiled before trailing off after the group who still thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. His high was gone, now all he wanted to do was go back to the dorm and sit around, not go to this fucking party.

 

“Heeey… Pretty good tips mama.” Maria smiled as she walked past, spying the 50.

Audrey gave her a small smile, letting it drop as she read the note.

She should just throw it.

No good ever came of raking over the past.

But she didn’t, she shoved it in her pocket with the tips and carried on clearing the table.

Later on, after they’d locked up around one thirty, Audrey found herself at the bus stop, waiting for the night bus, and pulled out her phone, then, taking out the scrap of paper and putting his number in.

" _ We should talk. _

_  Wanna meet somewhere tomorrow? - Audrey" _

She sent it before giving herself a chance to think about it too much.

He was right, they should talk. Too many things had been left unsaid before.

* * *

 

They’d gone to the party. Some chicks parents house, big pool, large patio..plenty of booze and drugs being passed around.

Nate would have been right in the middle of it had he not seen her. Had he not have had every single fucking memory dug back up out of its grave. He tried to enjoy himself but only managed to find himself a somewhat quiet corner of the patio with a joint and his fucking book, just wanting to be left alone. 

When his phone lit up for about the hundredth time already he ignored it, for the most part, only looking at it to see who it was but frowned when he didn’t recognize the number. 

Licking his lips he read the messages and smiled, tapping out a quick reply. 

_ "yeah, I’d love to.  _

_ anywhere you’d like _

_ I can buy you breakfast, lunch, or dinner.." _

He was coming on too strong, he knew it, be just the fact that she messaged him made him happy.

 

She’d just sat on the bus when he text’d back, and she just caught the corner of her mouth twitching up in amusement.

" _  Coffee’s fine. _

_  Meet me in the Starbucks on 3rd, @10?" _

She paused a second, then tapped out another.

" _ Your texting’s improved. You got all  the letters in there." _

 

Nate laughed and closed his eyes a minute, just smiling before he replied. 

_ "You are hilarious. _

_ I expect more jokes in my expense at 10 at the Starbucks on 3rd.." _

_ “Naatte.”  _ The voice of a girl, clearly wasted, clearly with a motive drifted over to him and made him look up, his smile falling as he noticed her wandering over to him and plopped down on his lap. “Why you all alone Nate baby?” She hummed, starting to unbutton his shirt. 

“I wanna be..get off..” He frowned and moved her hands off him. “You should get some sleep…come on, let's take you to bed..” 

She screeched and started to giggle. “Nate’s gonna take me to bed!!!” She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and started kissing it while he carried her inside to try and find an empty room. 

* * *

 

In the morning, she lay in bed, thinking about the fact this was a huge mistake.

She thought about it being a huge mistake in the shower, while she got dressed, in the elevator, on her way down the street, and as she walked into Starbucks.

Huge mistake.

Audrey was early, but scanning the room, was surprised to see him already there, sitting at a table, coffee in hand.  

She went to the counter and ordered hers, then wandered over to him, stopping as she reached his table.

“Hey.”

He looked up and smiled, sitting up from his hunched over position. “Hey, I was gonna buy for you.” He chuckled, seeing her coffee already. 

She looked the same, but more..grown up. He guessed that’s what happened when two years go by and you don’t see someone for them. 

“Can I at least buy you a muffin or something? I like their smoked Gouda sandwiches..” 

“I’m good with just coffee for a minute, literally just woke up half hour ago…”

 

She sat down, shrugging off her jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair before, turning to him, giving him a small smile.

“So…. You’re at Stanford?... I thought you were looking at colleges on the East coast…”

“Ah..Yeah, I was but..I ended up here.” Nate shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee, watching her over the top of it. “Full ride..”

It wasn’t high first choice of all the ones he’d been forced to pick from, but this one at Least seemed far away from where they were living,far away from Drake, from the memory of it all.

“How about you?…what Uh, what brought you to Cali?”

“Uh… School actually. Took my GED last year… hoping to save enough to go to school part time. Wanna get a bachelor’s in History of fine art….” She shrugged, then gave him a small smile. “Tips help… so… thanks…” 

“That’s awesome!” he smiled back at her wide. “Where are you thinking about going?” 

There were tons of smaller colleges scattered around, she could probably get into any one of them. 

“Not sure yet… still narrowing it down.” She glanced down at her coffee, wrapping her hands around the mug as though cold.

“So… what you studying?”

So many safe questions, so many intricate dance steps around the real ones they both wanted to ask.

Fuck.

Give it a minute they’d probably start talking about the weather.  

 

“Uh, well..I’m working on my Bachelors in Science. Chemistry if you can imagine it..” He laughed and looked up at her for a brief second before looking back to his own hands around his cup. 

“Can you imagine? A stoner mixing chemicals together.. _ boom..”  _ He chuckled, making an exploding motion with his hands and puffing out his cheeks. 

“So you really _are_ planning a meth lab?” She half laughed, letting it fade.

“You look good Nate…” She said at last. “I mean… you look happy….” 

He smiled and shook his head. “No..no meth lab.” He chuckled, looking up at her, a smile in his eyes. If she only knew just how unhappy he actually was.

“You do too, Aud.” He cleared his throat and looked across. “I missed you..a lot..” He nodded, needing to talk about it. No sense leaving the elephant sat in the room go unnoticed. “A lot happened after you left..” 

She nodded, taking a deep breath.

“You know I couldn’t stay….. Not with everything that happened…”

She presumed he knew about Drake, he had to. She knew him and knew the first thing he would have done after getting the video like that would have been to go to his place.

“I uh... I wanted to talk to you, explain..” He said after a moment of silence. “..there's no excuse good enough…” 

And there really wasn't. What he and Drake did to that girl was unforgivable, he couldn’t even forgive himself for it, much less ask Audrey to.

“I tried to call…I went and talked to Silvia but uh..you weren’t there..” He half shrugged, glancing up at her then back down to the table. “..went to the haunted house..thought maybe you ran there..maybe, you were gonna be there waiting for me..that was a stupid thought huh..” 

 

She let him talk.

It was probably better that way, to just let her silence prompt him into saying more.

The Haunted house.

If Nate hadn’t been part of the reason she ran, she might well have waited there for him.

“I’m different..now.” He closed his eyes, swallowing back the pain her silence gave him. “I’m in college, just like my dad wanted..he’s still disappointed in be, not going into politics and shit..but I’m doing something with myself…” 

He opened his eyes to see her watching him then reached across the table, taking her hand from the side of her cup and holding it in is, waiting for her to rip it away, to get up and leave. 

“I still think about you..all the time..and I know that there is no possible way that you could ever feel the same about me again…I still love you Audrey.” 

 

She felt a tear roll down her cheek, and god if his hand didn’t feel good around hers, like it fit perfectly.

Reaching up, she wiped it away, sniffing a little, turning it into a laugh.

“I never stopped loving you…” She admitted. “I was angry, and hurt, and disgusted, but I never stopped loving you…”

Nate wanted to smile, could feel it tugging at the corners of his mouth but it wouldn’t be appropriate to, smiling when shit was still stuck between them. But she loved him still, as he loved her..and that made him if not happy, hopeful. 

Instead, he nodded, looking down to their hands as he tightened his around hers. “I’m going to tell you something…and I want you to promise me that even if you can't handle it, that you’ll listen until the end..” 

He nodded when she did, almost as small then took a deep breath as he started to tell her about what he’d done. About how he’d gone to Drakes, about what he’d said about her, how pulled the gun on Drake, fully intending to kill him, about how he pissed himself..how he then ran to Silvia’s, then the house..how he passed out from fear and upset, and exhaustion.

“…I went to the bus stop..I don’t know why I didn’t go there first, I guess I wasn't in the right mindset to.” It was probably the coke. “You weren’t there..the guy working said he saw you, but you’d left the night before..that I missed you.“ Nate sighed, chewing on his lip as he talked. “He wouldn’t tell me where you went..said..that you were running for a reason, and that I looked like one..” 

He looked up at her again and smiled, it felt small, broken, maybe because that’s how he felt when she left. She promised him, said she wouldn’t run..but she did anyways and he couldn’t blame her. It was his fault. 

“Guess he was right huh..” He chuckled sadly, squeezing her hand. “I’m the reason you ran..” 

 

For a moment she didn’t say anything.

It was as if by sitting here, in front of him, that day, over two years ago now, seemed as fresh as if it happened yesterday.

How had she even fooled herself into thinking it was done, that it was over.

The last time they spoke was to say goodbye at his car, the last time they’d kissed had been under the bleachers, the last time they made love?

The haunted house.

There hadn’t been the opportunity after, and if she was honest, they’d both scared themselves a little, so hadn’t tried hard to make an opportunity, because they were dumb, they’d thought there’d be time enough after, that everything would go back to normal.

“You were...  _ part _ … of the reason I ran.” She said at last. 

 

Audrey shook her head softly, then looked across the table at him again.

“The hearing went badly, and that on top of the video…. and then... Drake…”

She wondered how much he hated her for that, for turning to Drake for money, knowing what she’d have to do for it. “After that, there wasn’t any coming back…”

His silence made her chest tight, but she swallowed hard and carried on.

“They took the kid off Jane you know…. So…. Guess I was right all along. Turned out she was still pulling tricks and shit…. luckily, no one touched the kid, he’s in a foster home now, they’re going to adopt him… He’s doing well… I spoke to Silvia, she told me.” 

Drake. 

He hadn’t thought about him in so long - after that night, he never spoke to him again, he moved schools which suited him just fine. He didn’t think he could stand to see his smug face in the halls or listen to how good Audrey lips felt around him one more time. 

His hand tightened around hers and his gaze fixed angrily off to the side at the thought. 

The last time he heard Drake’s voice was about a year after the incident. He’d called him from jail, begging for bail money, said his dad cut him off and he got caught carrying over the state line. Drug running. His ass deserved to be behind bars,

He looked to her then when she mentioned her mom then looked down. “I’m sorry..least you didn’t end up there too..” It was all he could offer, what id he know about it..she’d told him most of her story, other pieces he worked out on his own. At the time, hr thought he knew her pretty well..she didn’t know him, still didn’t. The only thing that mattered to her was that he’d raped a girl. 

 

“You’re doing good now..though, right? Living somewhere nice? Making enough to get by?..” He asked, looking at her again, this time his expression soft, caring. 

“I get by.” She half smiled.

It had been rough to start. She’d got off the bus in the desert, and it was an all too familiar feeling, sitting in a motel room, the sound of trucks pulling in for the night, hoarse laughing from the other rooms, tv’s turned too loud, and for a few days, she wondered if this was it, the start of the end.

But she’d been lucky.

The little diner near the gas station let her work in the back, washing pots and dishes for the room and a couple of dollars an hour, and in a few months, she had nearly enough to get to the coast, put down a deposit on a room somewhere.

It was only just before she left that she’d done it again, just to push up the money, and the extra 80 she’d scoured from a driver had bought her groceries for nearly a month.

How tempting it was to think she could just carry on… make more money in a few hours than in a whole week in the diner, but no… she had to go.

Now, she just worked, she studied, kept to herself. Her only real vice was half a pack of smokes a day, a little jack from time to time. Her ID had her at 23 now, and no one had ever bothered to check.

 

“I got a place about two blocks from here… it’s tiny, but it’s clean, neighborhoods nice…You living on campus?” 

She got by. He knew that smile and wasn't too convinced. She got by. 

He didn’t want to think about the  _ how _ she got by while on her own, though he could imagine. He hated that she didn’t take the money he’d offered her, maybe then…maybe she would have had that to go on, she wouldn’t have needed to go to Drake, wouldn’t have felt the need to fuck his best friend for money…

He realized she was waiting for him to answer her and cleared his throat, shifting back in his seat again, not quite meeting her eye. 

“On campus..yeah. Dorming with a couple classmates. It smells like frat boy and pot…you’d hate it.” He chuckled softly then looked at her again, smiling. 

He’d let go of her hand as he sat back, and she slowly withdrew it, putting it back on her coffee cup.

She got the feeling he was thinking a lot, maybe over thinking, fixating on something. She could probably guess what. 

_ You shouldn’t have come. _

Maybe not, but she had, and now her chest hurt, her head hurt because all she wanted was for things to be like they had been before.

“I’m glad you’re doing well Nate….” She said at last. “Look… maybe I should just go…”

“Audrey, please wait..” He stood up as she did, taking her hand again and holding it gently in both of his. “I don’t want this to be it…I don’t want this to be the last thing we say to each other.” 

He looked her in the eye and as he thought about what he wanted to say next he threaded their fingers together, keeping her there, keeping her close to him if only for a little longer. 

“If you never want to see or talk to me again..if you only felt obligated to come here today with me because it was awkward..that’s fine, I’ll understand. But I want you to know..that there isn’t a second of that video I don’t regret, But the thing I regret most was letting you slip out from between my fingers... I should have been there for you when you needed me to be..” 

He licked his lips and looked into her eyes as he moved a little closer so his forehead went to rest on hers. “I’m truly sorry…and I don’t deserve any forgiveness from you or anyone.” He sighed, closing his eyes. 

“So..if you choose to go now, I can’t stop you, but I want you to know that..I love you still.”  

It scared him just how easily the words passed his lips. He loved her. He loved her. How could he not..she was her. It was fucked up, but he knew it in his heart, there wouldn’t be anyone else like her, ever. 

“I Love you..Audrey..” He repeated, this time pressing a long kiss to the corner of her mouth. “I love you.”

 

She closed her eyes when he leaned his head to hers, holding her breath when he pressed his lips to the side of her mouth.

“I tried to hate you.” She whispered. “I wanted so badly to hate you…. but I couldn’t… I couldn’t hate you…” She half turned her head so her lips brushed his, not kissing, just touching.

Someone moved behind them, starting to clear the table, and Audrey half stepped back from him, clutching her jacket to her chest.

“You wanna come back to my place? I got coffee there….” 

Nate felt his heart sink when she pulled away but hid it well with a smile, Nodding at her offer though he knew that she was only extending it to save his feelings. 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He nodded again, standing up straight as he grabbed and put on his own jacket, welcoming the action because it gave him something else to fixate on instead of how she seemed to dismiss his confession. 

She’d said she never stopped loving him..but that didn’t mean she loved him. 

He was stupid for thinking so..

“Lead the way.” He smiled, stuffing his hands in the large pockets of his Jacket. 

 

She walked briskly, not really talking, she didn't know what to say, neither of them knew how to act with each other, and that broke her heart a little.

Audrey punched in the key code for her building and let them in, riding up the elevator in silence then letting him into her apartment, a small kitchen/living space, a bedroom the size of a large closet, a shower room.

“Not much… but, It’s mine.” She said as he looked around. “that’s not mine…” She pointed to the calico cat sleeping on her windowsill looking out onto the fire escape. “He lives somewhere else in the building, but hangs out here….. You wanna coffee?”

She could hear herself babbling a little, taking his jacket form his arms and hanging it on a hook along with hers.

While they'd walked, Nate had thought over a million other things he wanted to say to her, all the times he cried himself to sleep, all the times he wished it was over, how it almost was…but he kept all that in, if she asked, he’d tell her. But if memory served..she wasnt one to ask about his life, not really. 

“I love cats.” Nate grinned and moved over to it, running the back of his fingers along its cheeks until it purred. “And yeah, coffee sounds good.” He looked across at her, smiling before going back to the cat. “You know his name?”

“Uh…. Gabriel I think… At least thats the name I hear called every evening…”

Audrey moved over to the window and opened it a little so the cat could go back out. “His owner used to live here until she moved two floors up to a two bed, so… he still thinks this is his home.”

 

She started the coffee, her hands feeling clumsy like she couldn’t concentrate properly. But who was she kidding, she couldn’t, not with him here.

When she turned and saw him looking at her, she swallowed hard, biting on her lip, shaking her head a little as she looked away.

“I shouldn’t have run…” She said quietly, getting mugs down from the hooks and setting them ready. “I should have stayed…. talked to you… but, I went too far. How could  you ever look at me again after Drake…. I was just… SO angry and scared and I wanted to be as far away as possible….” 

Nate frowned when the cat left with nothing but a tail flick and ran up the fire escape. Always running away from him…

He looked out the window for a little then turned to watch her as she fussed with the coffee pot, watched how nervous she looked and sighed. She looked torn, confused..probably wishing she never would have waited on their table and he couldn’t blame her. 

“You did what you thought you had to..” He said finally, swallowing hard on his own emotions. “But look at you..” He motioned with a chuckle. “You got a place, sometimes a cat..you’re gonna go to school.” He smiled. “If you’d’ve stayed…you’d’ve been put back with your mom..and who knows where you’d be after that…” 

He took a deep breath and looked out the window, sick with himself for actually wanting her to have stayed, to be with him..not knowing he’d be taken back by her bitch of a mom, that she would be miserable. But at least he wouldn’t have been. 

“You’re happy now..right?” He looked back to her, forcing a smile. “I just want you to be happy..” 

 

She looked over at him as he spoke, then put her hands on the counter, looking down at them as she leaned against it.

“I’m not happy.” She whispered. “I’m sorry… You want me to say I am, but I’m not. I work, I read, I smoke, that’s it…”

She had no friends really, and she hadn’t seen anyone since him, just… couldn’t.

He half thought she’d lie, tell her she was, that she was doing just fine so that he wouldn’t feel bad. But now she was stood there upset, and he had to once again pull himself back. 

“I’m sorry…I guess I just assumed..” He cleared his throat then looked away a second, frowning at her shitty view of the next apartment building over. “No..you know what? I don’t accept that as an answer.” He looked at her again, still frowning as he walked over and met her eye. 

“That’s not it..its been two years Audrey..I thought I’d gotten myself straight, had myself convinced that you were off doing better things than hang out with a loser like me..I convinced myself that you took Drakes money and you got yourself somewhere nice..that you found someone good for you..”

He swallowed and took her face in his hands, trembling a little as he spoke. 

“I had myself convinced that you didn’t love me anymore..that you never did..because if I held on to that thought it made you running easier..it made the pain go away a little more..because if you were off with someone else and happy..I could sleep better at night..I could take one less pill knowing you were happy…” 

 

She felt tears start to fall as he held her face, as his words rained down on her, how much faith he’d had in her ability to do without him, and none of it was true.

None of it.

“I’m sorry….. I’m sorry…. But I couldn’t be happy… not without you…..”

She put her hands over his and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to steady her voice before speaking again.

“There’s no one else, never was…. I don’t think there ever could be….” Audrey opened her eyes to look up into his. “Only ever one Stoner, loser, piss baby I wanted….” She tried to smile, but her lower lip trembled too much.

 

There was no way she could have only wanted him. He was a mess, still was but he was picking up the pieces. He’d almost gotten them all back in place then she walked back into his life and they all fell to the floor again, left him scrambling. 

Now, he didn’t know what to say, his mind wiped blank as he stared into her eyes, as he watched her run away time and time again..why would this be any different…they’d catch up, exchange apologies then maybe she’d be on another bus, or a train, anywhere to get herself away from him. 

He blinked at her, registering what she’d just said then after a moment he laughed tearfully, pulling her to his lips, crushing against her so they weren’t so much as kissing as they were trying to morph together. 

A whine escaped her lips as he crushed his mouth to hers, and then her arms were around his neck as his own went round her waist, pulling her against him as they kissed hard, then harder still.

How many times had she thought of this, of one day seeing him again and just picking up where they left off? Too many nights staring up at the dark ceiling when she couldn’t sleep, because she’d run, worse than run, she’d vanished into thin air so no one could find her.

But so many things had been left unsaid, unresolved, and now, in between kisses, she told him how she loved him, always had, loved him still. 

Nate pushed her back to the counter and lifted her up on it, still kissing her hard as he moved between her legs and let his hands moved up her back, his finger pressing along her shirt, feeling all her ribs as he moved them back down to her hips and pulled her closer. 

She still wasn't eating, one thing he wished he could change about her if she took anything away from their relationship he wished it would have been to eat a fucking cheeseburger. 

He could barely hear her words, but they registered, and as much as he wanted to believe them..right now, they were just words unsaid for years, words he wished he could have heard every night he lay in his own vomit, words he wished he could have heard when he was fucking someone else..

Shoving his hands up the back of her shirt he breathed them back,  _ I love yous, I'm sorry's _ , everything he wished he could have told her before she left.

She moved her mouth from his, pressing her face against his neck, then held him tight, sobbing softly, overwhelmed at the feeling of his arms around her, his breath on her neck.

She’d tricked herself into thinking she was ok, that she was over him, over everything and moved on… All she was here was the quiet girl at the end of the hall, no one knew a damn thing about her past.

But she’d only been existing, not living, and now he was pressed up against her, she knew what had been wrong, what had been missing.  

 

He stopped when he heard she was crying, when his neck grew wet and warm from her tears and pulled back placing his hand on the back of her head, kissing her shoulder, slowing down again. 

Instinct was to take her to bed, to fuck just for fucking's sake..then maybe the air would clear..maybe then they could talk, or not, maybe then it would be over again before it even started but at least they would have gotten it out of their systems, they could stop the what ifs. 

“Audrey…baby…please don’t cry…” He breathed, pressing his own eyes tight to her shoulder, trying to stop himself from trembling. 

Audrey held him tighter for a moment, then shook her head, taking a deep breath as she slid down off the counter.

When he didn’t move, she took his hand, leading him to her bedroom, hardly one step inside the door and the bed took up the whole space. 

She pulled him gently onto the bed with her, still sniffling slightly, and when they were nose to nose, she sighed, placing her hand on his cheek, closing her eyes when she felt his breath on her face.

“Tell me.” She whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth, tasting the salt from her own tears. “After I left…. tell me what happened…. tell me what you did…”

She wanted to know, she wanted the years between then and now to be something she knew. She didn’t want that gap in her knowledge of him. 

When she lay them down he didn’t think she would ask about him - didn’t think she would honestly care, thought she’d start telling him how hard of a time she had or what she went through. 

But instead, she asked about him, about how he coped. And fuck if it wasn't a tragedy... Shakespeare would have slow-clapped the last few years of Nate’s life if he’d been around. 

“You wanna know what I did?” He frowned, feeling a tear of his own streak down his nose, making him sniffle. He didn’t even know if he wanted to dredge up those memories again, but he would, for her. 

“I died..” 


End file.
